If you have never been over to Steve Pavlina’s website, I highly recommend you take a few minutes to check it out. The guy is a guru in terms of personal development. The fact that I label him a guru says pretty much what I think of him.

However a few weeks ago he wrote an article about overcoming cheapness. In brief, Steve relates how in his younger years he would buy cheaper articles perceiving they were a better value until a series of events caused him to buy something more expensive than he would normally get and found out that he had been incorrect in how he precieved value. He found that buying items he really wanted without compromising regardless of left him happier and more fulfilled. Surrounding himself with the things he really wanted (even if they were few in numbers since he couldn’t afford as much) gave him positive affirmation that he could have and achieve the things he really wanted out of life.

First, let me say that I agree 100% with Steve that if you don’t strive for the things you really want in life, you’re never going to find lasting contentment. Getting something you don’t want will only serve as a nagging reminder of the thing you really did want.

Case in point: A coworker, knowing I had experience driving a number of high-end sports cars, has repeatedly asked me which car is my favorite to drive and which was the best value. I did my best to answer his question, but found he kept redirecting the conversation back to a specific car. This car in question was neither the best to drive, nor in my opinion the best value. However, this was the car that he truly wanted, he was simply looking for me to validate that what he wanted was “good”. Realizing this, I encouraged him to get the car he wanted on the grounds that it didn’t matter what he drove, if it wasn’t that specific car he wanted he would always wishing he could trade places with the drivers of the car that he did want.

This is where I break with Steve. Perhaps break is the wrong word to use, I disagree with his focus. Steve’s focus is on objects, things like tables, couches, and clothes. Chasing and filling your life with objects will ultimately leave you empty. Objects break, go out of style, can be lost or stolen. I believe that filling your life with people you care for, memories, and achievements is a much more fulfilling way to live.

I don’t know how much my table costs or what style it is. What I do know is all the nights my friends and I have huddled around it playing poker, laughing at each other, the world, and bonding. My couch isn’t very expensive, but its where I cuddle with my wife when we watch movies and do some of our best talking with each other. My backpack isn’t very big or fancy, but the hikes through the canyons are fresh and vivid even as I type. My point is that my house could burn down today; all those things could be gone, and yet I would be as happy as I am now because the things I cherish the most are in my heart and mind. Could Steve say that about all his home?

One of my favorite saying is “Go find your happy”. If you are not actively pursuing the things you want out of life then you’re actively making yourself unhappy. But if you are focusing on objects, rather than the life that those objects facilitate then you are going to find yourself constantly unfulfilled.